Personal Meyland

El brillo en tus ojos habla de plenitud y admiración, Y sin embargo también alberga melancolía y cierta tristeza. Por lo que ha de venir o por lo que se fue con el devenir del tiempo. La sonrisa en tus labios me llena de confianza y ternura, Y sin embargo atisbo cierto temor a la soledad y desamparo Que no puede admitir en un momento de total interconexión. Y de repente te pierdo entre tus pensamientos, Y de súbito estás confortando mis hombros cuando me ausento, Y es entonces cuando nuestras mentes se unen de nuevo. Tu caricia me transporta a la necesidad de cariño y deseo, Y sin embargo también me pide a gritos protección y aceptación Ante una persona que huye y se acepta a partes iguales, Ante un pasado que ha desaparecido por un camino nuevo. Tus palabras me transportan a tu mundo secreto y especial Y sin embargo me llenan a la vez de angustia y oscuridad De experiencias fallidas y desesperación encontrada entre líneas, De no saber es

This text I am showing is an internal conversation with myself in which I am writing the ideas as fast as my mind think them. It's the second time I do this experiment and it amaze me more and more everytime because it releases inner ideas that I always had but they were hidden and forbidden to get out. Well, now it's time to release them freely and for sure they will lack power now that they don't haunt me anymore. Enjoy the experiment. <<   Night of the 12/5/20 Please, just tell me I didn't die months ago and I am now in 'what sort of world' chilling with you. I never felt this way, so happy and full. I never thought I could feel this way or be with somebody this way. And my mind keeps going back to the idea that I am imagining it. That I am still in a dream in which I cannot get to wake up. I'm drugged, I know, but I feel as I entered another world or a game, where I play a person that it feels different, superior. And it's choosing th

Looking at the past I realized I don’t know me. I tried to be someone in the search of looking for myself but I didn’t actually fit well in that shape. Is like trying to get yourself in a dress that it feels weird in some parts of your body but you don’t know how to fix it. This time is being a huge opportunity for me to listen more carefully to what my instinct is telling me, my heart and my head. They don’t always agree but ultimately they are guiding me in the same direction. There are no opposite forces that pull me in different directions, creation different sides of myself. And maybe there are different sides of myself but now they are calmer and more aligned. Part of it I believe is because I committed to my dreams. I stopped my life for weeks even if I already knew my path to follow but I tended to look back in order to reinforce my decision. It feels right but still, it is not the only thing I need to do and the point of slowing down and listening and learning it

I am not gonna give too much energy and thought to this. I already gave too much in my head and it’s really draining me. I feel like that weight in my chest increases every time that I know for sure that I am not seen by you the same way I see you. It hurts to nearly faint the fact that I keep falling for people I admire. And it seems that I love adding some difficulty to that admiration process or person who contains all the cool stuff I would love to be. The difference with women I admire is that I possibly would not get confused. But in case of a guy I almost tend to throw myself into their whole reality and then I look to my stuff and it’s all there unattended. Even if I realize about my feelings and I know for sure that I have a strong connection with you that makes me shiver from inside, I know that there’s always a risk I loose myself by “admiring” you. I cannot say “like” because it sounds as a really low emotion, but saying “love” it sounds really scary and