Personal Meyland

When the time comes and take us by surprise, when the emotions explode from someplace inside us like a storm we cannot control. But releases a deep need to clean all the pain even if we don't know how to manage it. And in desperation to look aside, we just try to find other ways to restore it, to make the pain go away without any damage. But it is not easy, there is no a way we cannot feel  about whom we shared moments and emotions with. It is not bad to endure,  it is not wrong to demostrate it, it is not bad to feel weak sometimes, It is part of our humanity. Otherwise... what are we? What the regular cruelty in the World have turn us into? Were we taught at any point that is a shame to feel bad? Why would we prefer not to deal with that kind of situation? I know, we all look for happyness. That's the reason of so many ways of experiences, Spiritual and physical in so many ways. So many things we can have to mute inhibit...

I like you Even if I don't want to Even if I always tried to deny it It has been so long since I felt curious And I started to admire you And get driven crazy about your ways to think And laught about everything I say or believe. Despite the fear and the conversations, And all the weird moments we shared Some days the stars were aligned just for us And everything seemed to be so easy... Just for some few hours. And then we go back to a reality where the alcohol is not used for an excuse where our fears are bigger than our instinct and we let pass another day without talking until the next not planned opportunity to be just us, as we want us to be. To share a place, a drink or a night even if it's just about taking care of the other from the other side of the living room, even if the only calm thought is to have you close I could not ask for any other thing different than that. Those crazy fantasies in my head will calm any bad Until I get no more lit...

I know you lie to me The same way I do it to myself We look for an easy path to cover our steps We fear the fact of a possible change And all the new things that can bring. My hands are tied with you I can't say I know you as well as I'd like That way I cannot feel more things Others than physical atraction And maybe a deeply sensation of curiosity. You know you're difficult and you can pretend Being a cunt or vain, getting an armor around you, But at some point you opened yourself to me You showed me how you really were And that's scary and maybe impulsive To somebody you trusted at that moment. Did I dump your trust? Did I go to far? Did I ask for to much? I need to reinvent us. Even if in my head I still see you The way you were and I get attached To an ilussion of the past That might not come back again. What if we just hurt us tonight? What if we just let ourselves have fun? Because there's no way it will stay neat. We'll get...

Sick of playing to be chased or the chaser Tired of seeing how your mood changes Depending on my actions And your desitions are so weak That could be broken in a second Like the million promises you did not care Taking to a better place and changing yourself. No, even if you try to impress me Even if you change your ways I deal with you knowing you won't change, Assuring in my head I should not expect change. Because I'm tired to wait for actions Listening to easy compliments Holding heartless ideas after all. Because you cannot see me ignoring you, me being around different people that brings more to a this lost soul that wants something new. You're not that person even if you tried. We both know nothing will change enough. And I am still hitting myself against the wall For being that stupid person Who believes in drastic changes When are less than subtles and tasteless Not enough to fill me up but just with anger. And still you make it easy ...

I'm still trying to know what got me into you I'm still trying to understand myself in order to know Why I become such a mess And let you get involved. And the fact that I could have erased Everything we got what was amazing Tear me up into million pieces More than I can tell or feel. I lost track of notion and time Since I felt the need to express myself And I am afraid that time got me into its loop, Killing any good instead of softening what it was horrible. I should have seen that coming When I heard the wrong advices at the perfect time When I acted the easy way for me Letting you fall apart and build again your wall, I should have known that it was just wrong. And now it's time to put the head down See which way I can fix what I just stabbed Once and twice, over and over again. I wouldn't blame you anyway...

Intento focalizar los motivos que me movieron a moverme de ámbito Recordar lo que se siente ante el corto periodo de tiempo que parece infitito por segundos En esa espesura húmeda y teñida de un verde profundo Que con su oxígeno puro llena mis pulmones hasta los poros. Y luego pienso si alguna vez habrás sentido tal experiencia Si la habrás siquiera valorado como tal, la mitad de lo que yo... Y recuerdo tu sonrisa a medias diciendo que hace años que el sueño te lo ha arrebatado Como si hubieras perdido toda esperanza de vivir de nuevo De otra forma que no sea el tipo de vida que llevas, obcecadamente. Y me pregundo: ¿por qué me digno a querer cambiar eso?  ¿Por qué quiero que cualquiera sienta un atisbo de lo que yo siento? Quizás radique en la sensibilidad que todos albergamos,  Y en la esperanza de acudir a esa sensibilidad para que cuente Como algo positivo para cuando no veamos más fondo que el que tocamos. Tiene que haber algo más qu...

There’s no other way I can say that I miss hearing about you That I smile everytime I see part of you in a picture That smile that gets me melted or even those eyes Which can mute anything you say until I look a bit stupid. I don’t know the time I’ve been denying this for Cause I don’t see it correct, I think that it’s crazy But you don’t seem to care and I see myself like having a phase. One phase that goes into another one with another person in order to forget you. But it’s never enough, never enough. And I keep counting your smiles and looks Overflowing inside when I see you appearing by chance, Lovely coincidences... So many times that you fill me up so easily. So simple things but so complicated at the end. Everything is such a big deal. And suddenly is a game, or a competition the moment after. I get myself inside a loop of confusion. Attracted to you again, until I prefer to leave it until you decide to see me truly again. And it go...

3 de Marzo de 2018, Se despertó una mañana más con esa sensación agridulce de que en el fondo de su subconsciente esa persona volvía a aparecérsele como en una versión mezclada de realidad y fantasía. Llevaba soñando con él una semana entera, sin darse cuenta de que cada día añadía pequeños detalles propios a ese ideal que buscaba ansiadamente. Y aunque en la realidad recibiera menos de la mitad de lo que querría, era más que suficiente para seguir alimentando sus ilusiones. Qué más daba un poco más de ese elixir que no le mataría. Podría dejarlo cuando quisiera, no era más que un pasatiempo que la mantenía activa y soñadora con el cumplimiento de ese nuevo momento en el que poder acercarse más a él. A esa realidad revestida de misterio que le otorgaba pequeños placeres visuales y carnales. Pero en ese mundo paralelo recreó una persona que nunca la había hecho sentir así, que su cuerpo simplemente se activaba ante un mínimo impulso y poco esfuerzo. A pesar de que se topas...