Speaking my mind

This text I am showing is an internal conversation with myself in which I am writing the ideas as fast as my mind think them. It's the second time I do this experiment and it amaze me more and more everytime because it releases inner ideas that I always had but they were hidden and forbidden to get out. Well, now it's time to release them freely and for sure they will lack power now that they don't haunt me anymore.

Enjoy the experiment.

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 Night of the 12/5/20

Please, just tell me I didn't die months ago and I am now in 'what sort of world' chilling with you.
I never felt this way, so happy and full. I never thought I could feel this way or be with somebody this way.

And my mind keeps going back to the idea that I am imagining it. That I am still in a dream in which I cannot get to wake up. I'm drugged, I know, but I feel as I entered another world or a game, where I play a person that it feels different, superior. And it's choosing the life she wants, and that all is coming to her so easily that it seems like a movie.

This game is too easy, it cannot be truth. I am still waiting something bad or an enemy coming down the next corner. Forcing me to go back to that bottom of the swimming pool.
Oh, I am able to be simbolistic now in this language.

"I am so happy I found you. In this life or another."

This cannot be true. You don't deserve this. You're entitled to be alone. To suffer? No. To be longing until you start to believe that you are rare to be understood.
Artists cannot be understood, right?

Automatic set of loneliness and despair. I don't want to hear you. Like Gollum taming his other side.

I deserve to be free and happy. Free with somebody, if you know what I mean...

Are you real? Even touching you and looking at you I wouldn't be able to tell. Even trying to touch you in order to try to proof that you really are here with me. I feel I'm going crazy. However, it seems like everything is possible.

Am I falling into a rabbit hole? Maybe dreaming, maybe taken into another reality. Nothing makes sense.

What are you and what am I? Are we real, or are we holding an empty body that somehow it feels out of place? Like a dress too big that it doesn't suit. Your skin feels weird in you.

You are going too deep. You are loosing yourself in your mind.

Did I say drawing shades on you by kissing you? You are a poet inspired by a singer, or a person,... or drugs? Or your very active mind, more than ever.

Cannot stop thinking until it gets a web or net of mumbling noise.

Am I letting myself to go deeper? Maybe the philosophers and other thinkers felt this way before and because of it they could express it to people. What if they kept things in their mind for the fact that they sounded crazy? It wouldn't sound crazy to me.

I want to believe people felt like this open minded and thinker before. If it's not shared it doesn't exist. It vanished and it will >>


Conversations with myself. Following my last idea I decided to share it. I hope it's helpful for somebody and it seen with an open mind.

Until my next post.