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Mostrando entradas de marzo, 2020

Star sign

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Following my star, I've been obsessed with the idea of love. I've been losing myself trying to get an addictive feeling in a place and a moment when running away from work left to be done was usual. Almost like in the old days. I've been in love with the idea of love. But not getting to connect with a person completely. Because the idea of what I needed not necessarily matched with the reality. In the case I ever did connect I got scared looking ahead. It's much safer to nurture self-love. It's less risky and more gratifying. I am not ready for other than myself. If you are smart enough, don't mess with me. Ain't no good. I'm hard work. I cannot belong to you. I am too independent now and needed of myself to be taking care of you. I don't want to loose that. I cannot loose myself again in that insanity. Let me be excited about the boost of affection we might need sometime. But after a few days I will go back to my way where I left it.

Inner peace

Let me tell you that I need to set my boundaries. But before I close the door I need to set my darkness free. It has been haunting me deep inside and today I decided to confront it with the courage I have left. Long time have passed since all the chaos took place in my mind and yours. Long days of conversations, tears and regrets. A point of no return that it will remain within us forever. But I don't come today to tell you that all was forgotten. That the time spent was for nothing. But I am a slow learner. I am a dreamer thinking the best of everybody until I get hurt. An despite the fact that I resent some actions from you I have them from me. I won't act the way you need it. I won't do the things you would. It's my life. It's my mind. It's my body. It's me with all my mistakes and new shades. I am not looking for any validation. I don't pretend that nothing even happenned. I am here to say that everything still remains and shaped me t

Before it evaporates...

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Don’t you ever feel like you are reseting every night and you wake up as a new person? That person is still "you" but some of the memories have faded, some of the fresh ideas she or he had the day before went away when they did not get written somewhere. They were just trusted that they would find their way to the new day. Maybe they are just sleepwalkers who got lost in thoughts and sometimes... just sometimes, they get rescued by the main mind in order to come back. What it will be like when I get old? Will I loose all my new thoughts next day? Will it be like they never existed? Will it be like living a new day every day? Don’t you ever feel like you have been driven by somebody else's purpose? Or like you are at times dissociated of yourself? I do. But I am not scared anymore as I used to. I try to face it and look deeper. Sometimes I get lost in other thoughts which are more urgent to get on with. But I have been thinking about this possibility

Twisted

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Today everything twisted or looked another way. Today I realized I might not be following the path I should just become I came across new difficulties. Today I started to think that what I believed it made me different to my sister it might be just an impulse for being different and try to find a job...until I got to the big obstacle. Should I really keep going on this path? I always hesitated of everything and my great dream is not going to be different.  Maybe the stress I felt when I was working at the workshop was telling me something. Maybe the fact I shut the inspiration was a signal I was not listening to. I know I need to create to stay in peace and relaxed but I must be strict with my tendency to be lazy. To be just a spectator. I must say my word; however I feel it and not being afraid of saying it. Then you realize is tough to sell yourself as a product, to keep up with that. But life is never easy and whichever path you choose it will be always full of o